DISCLAIMER
If you came across this and you get offended by what I’ve written here, you can’t hold that against me because (1) starting Oct 10 I’ve changed/omitted names and (2) this blog is 100% unpublicized. I’ve done nothing to advertise or invite people to read about me talk about things that happen to put people in a bad light (but like Taylor Swift says, you shouldn’t do bad things) because (3) this is literally a diary, only it’s online because my law-student hands are always too tired to write things down, and so I’m figuring out my life like this. Okay? Okay.
Things are looking up, also because I've decided to look up
posted on 2017-07-20 7:49 p.m. by Vanessa
Received more texts from friends today, and I got scared that if I would hold back for longer I may lose them... and have nothing. These past couple of days have just been me waking up and going to work, and then coming home to Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix til I fall asleep (I'm on page 385 now, totally relating to Harry's temper) and back again.

I deactivated from social media and blocked calls from everyone of my friends I feel like I've been treating horribly since... this whole thing happened. And I've been crying at their texts. It's cute that Geneva thinks this is because of her, but I think it's merely a symptom of how worse I have gotten in treating people. If Gen found me too much, then I guess I really am too much. I need to mellow down, stop snapping at people even if I don't mean ill. Although I hate people who have the sweetest voices but treat others in the crappiest way, they still win at life. Not that I'd consciously let myself be someone who intentionally craps on other people, but yeah. I need to come off nicer. Especially to the ones I claim I love the most.

In other news, Tito Rommel. He said yes!!! And I am going to call CM Recto. Because filing vacation leaves in Rizal is hell. I believe in doing my work well, and not letting it interfere with my personal life. So I'm going to call CM Recto to ask them to let me come back to SM Annex. Because my days off are what keeps me sane and happy. I will try my best to be a kinder person, one who doesn't talk smack about others. I know I've been failing at that recently.

I just can't stay in Rizal because of how the leaves are plotted out. I'd go insane. And I know it sounds shallow, but yeah. I am not a robot. Work is not everything. I want a life well-lived.

I am far too emotional for anything. I got removed by this temperamental (lol like I'm not) officer at SM Annex and I felt like that was a slap on the face after talking praises about them for so long, lol. My paranoid self whispered I've got nothing to come back to in SM City Annex, and it's making me decide to just stay in RIzal and wait for me to get transferred--but I am terrified of the worst thing that could happen: that I would have to stay here and not get the leave I want. I need to go abroad next year, need to widen my horizon and do something that would just make me h a p p y.

tired - 2019-08-18
- - 2019-06-20
- - 2019-06-20
041619 - 2019-04-16
LB - 2018-10-02



same crappy self, different day | but here's to optimism